Here is a simple introductory guide to help you get started.
If you have a friend or relative or client who is bound to a wheelchair and is intellectually mature enough to make the decision themselves, then this article is for you.
Articles on intellectually challenged adults and decision making will follow upon request as this is an issue that is a tiny bit more sensitive in regards rights, consensus and choice. The methods however are similar.
Obtaining Self-motivated orgasms using yoga breathing and the mind.
See “Annie Sprinkle- Cosmigasms” on line. The basic idea is that you can consciously talk yourself into an orgasm. It is a state of mind derived from a tantric* approach to sex. This method is great for people who are unable to use their hands, legs or body to produce a physical orgasm.
Assisted Masturbation. There are number of ways in which you as a friend, relative or Carer can assist somebody by providing the tools, the environment and the permission to masturbate.
There are a number of ways to begin. If it is a female, don’t assume that she will want a phallus that she could insert. She may enjoy clitoral stimulation only or simply be aroused by breast or nipple play. Start the conversation, show them the tools they may choose to use. If communication is a problem, most products come with a demonstration movie. If it is still unclear, use a pornographic or romance movies.
Your wheelchair bound person needs to have a non clinical, if possible, warm, dim lighted, sexy environment to enjoy their privacy. Think candlelight, music, visual stimulants that they prefer. Assist them to experience the same lovely surroundings and atmosphere that we all find romantic.
An Empathetic attitude is important. A male does not need male Carers to joust him. He will not be part of the “Yeah, Go for It Man!” attitude which is bound to be confronting and intimidating. Diplomacy and respect is what is needed. Please treat your man or woman with the utmost of discretion at all times.
The next stage of involvement in the sexual act would be what is called Enabling. You could travel out of the house to a Massage parlour where a trained therapist will not only perform a relaxing massage but also assist by providing hand relief. Many Masseurs are happy to do the same for females. Many Masseurs are sensitive to the physical needs of people and are often in tune with peoples bodies. I suggest you research your Massage therapists, then when convinced, try them yourself and have the open conversation, before going ahead.
In some cases when dealing with someone who is in shared housing, going out for a massage is better than an in-house one, since not all residents and their families approve of what goes on in the next room.
A full Enabler is a person who will assist in any of these processes. If for example you have a Young male who lives at home, the enabler will actually help him physically by showing him how to masturbate himself. If skilled enough, this enabler will be intelligent enough to find out what are his likes and dislikes. For example, you as a family member may be surprised to find out that your male son enjoys activities with a Male rather than a female.
Choosing a regular enabler is something they will do in the end. We are dealing with intelligent people in wheelchairs who have the ability to make decisions. So if they want to experiment, so be it. You will also know whether or not they enjoyed the experience. Be in the next room or arrange a bell type system to allow them to always say NO.
Enabling couples. An enabler can also assist two disabled people to enjoy each other’s bodies. Pretty simple if you have the right kind of empathy. Prepare both individuals by bathing or showering them, perfumes are scientifically designed to create arousal. Prepare the environment, tools as above and ideally if placed in a comfortable bed together and while being completed naked from the start, they will find ways to experience intimacy.
By being openly understanding of their needs and by having continuous open discussions afterwards you can enable them to explore more opportunities together.
Full sex with an escort or sex worker. Believe it or not, there are a huge percentage of experienced sex workers who have had years of experience working with the disabled.
You can arrange for a sympathetic sex worker to spend quality time having loving, rewarding sexual relations on a regular basis if you like. Many disability sex workers are open for an interview and a meet up beforehand to discuss needs and to prepare for the event beforehand. They will ask you to assist by preparing a nice bed with plastic under sheeting, making sure your wheelchair bound person is properly washed beforehand. They will require assistance with these kinds of things, so please be prepared to help especially be close by to assist with toilet needs and then please leave them alone.
Sexual preferences. An important subject not to ignore. Your wheelchair bound person may have never had sex before and may not know what they want. Don’t be discouraged if one thing scares them. We are all sexual beings. A man may find he hates his penis being played with altogether but can have a huge mental orgasm by sucking another man. Sucking is after all a primal urge. We suck the nipple and are comforted. So if the first time, the “normal sex” you offer doesn’t work, don’t for a moment think you are a deviate because you try to introduce new things. Be open to their sexual preferences. Who are we to judge? Also be prepared that people change. Your loving husband or father may just want to dress up in women’s clothes to decorate his newly paralysed body all of a sudden. Don’t take these things personally. Here’s another example: A wheelchair bound man or woman who cannot move at all but can use language, may find a fantasy such as this, just the one to satisfy their natural urges. The Control fantasy. An educated and willing escort can be the slave. The wheelchair bound person is the Mistress or Master. They tell the slave to do sexual things. This act gives the wheelchair bound person power. After all in many cases they have so little power over their lives. This very act can create a resultant mental and/or physical orgasm particularly in those who are also visually “turned on” because it has given them a moment when they are in total control. Great for terrific self-esteem.
All in all there are many services around to assist you. We are here to help. Please write to us for referrals to agencies who can further assist you in the right direction. We are happy to have introduced this subject to you in a frank and open manner and hope that you will please give us feedback and join the conversation.
*What is tantric sex? A Hindu/Buddhist derived approach to sex dealing with techniques and rituals including meditative and sexual practices.